We're about to see the six month mark for these weekly updates, so maybe it's worth having a little ponder over it all. Sometimes things take turns where we least expect it, but how has this process changed and adapted to the reality of making it happen?
My initial goal for writing a weekly blog and posting random doodles was two-fold. I felt like I needed a little bit of motivation to draw regularly, and I wanted to explore an avenue for ideas and thoughts to have some room to breathe.
The first condition has been an easy undertaking, but without the desired result if I'm honest. By putting little to no expectations on what I draw, it removes the need for any sort of quality. This has been really good for me, as I often refuse to draw anything at all because I'm convinced by my inner monologue that it won't be worth it in the end. I've learned that a lot of the reason why I don't draw as often as I would like, is out of fear of everything being terrible and a big old waste of time.
In fact it's this same way of thinking that made the drawing part of the last six months fall short of where I'd like to take it in the long run. I've managed to get a few pages of doodles done each and every week (with minimal exceptions), which is a small accomplishment. Looking over them now, and I'm a little embarrassed at how shallow and terrible most of these doodles have been, but that helps me shape goals for the future.
Probably the biggest discovery I've made from forcing myself to doodle a little bit each week, has been that despite the lack of quality, there have been some good ideas here and there. Some of these doodles have been really fun, and I enjoy looking back on them. In the end I'm left wondering where I could take them if I spent a little more time on the process each week. It seems that now, even if they end up terrible, it won't matter because I've set an incredibly low benchmark in these first weeks.
You know how in the movies when they want to make a fighter feel good about themselves, they give them a weaker opponent for an easy win? All these terrible doodles I've been doing feel like the easy win I needed to boost my confidence a little and push ahead with something better.
So starting out with the only requirement being that I made some marks on a piece of paper each week, might have been a good idea. It showed me that I can draw something basic and simple in a small space of time, week after week. The next step is to aim for some kind of quality, which now feels attainable. I've probably only spent a couple of minutes on each of the doodles I've posted up to now, so surely spending a few more minutes on each will only improve the quality?!
I'm a pretty patient person most of the time, so I'm not bothered by the thought of spending another twenty five weeks edging forward another step. I think it's probably an exponential scale, and I'm at the very start of the curve. After a few baby steps, I hope to see it escalate dramatically. For now though, I think I'll just aim to make the rest of the year feature some better results. I'm not sure what that will look like, but I feel like I'm in a position to try.
The other element has been writing about thoughts and ideas that come up over time and have a large influence on living as a creative person. I'm not as confident about the progression of my writing and being able to express a coherent train of thought each week. I'm also unsure about how I could measure the curve of improvement when it comes to thoughts and communication.
At this point I can happily say that I've tried to be as honest and blatant about everything as I can be. I don't really see the need to edit everything so that I can portray something in a better light or tell a more favourable story. Instead I've kept to the "first thought, best thought" mantra and just typed away each week; following whatever path my mind takes me on. Some weeks have been easy as I've had something concrete I've wanted to say; while others are a struggle where I stare at my fingers, waiting for them to move.
Ultimately though, I hope that the collected entries in this series might serve as a fuzzy indicator of what goes on for at least one creative person. The focus is always on creativity and living a life surrounded in the how's and why's and what's.
Sometimes I think I should perhaps focus on the doodles themselves and analyse what they are and what they mean. However, that would usually be pointless as there's literally no meaning in what I've drawn, so it would only be made up shit-talk if I tried to explain any of them. At times I surprise myself though, and write about things that I hadn't planned when I Started tapping out the first paragraph. It's funny how our minds can take us on a journey when we allow it to dictate where it wanders. Just as we often say what we mean in the last word of a conversation, it's been interesting to find myself at the end of a post, writing about something I hadn't even considered when I started.
I suppose that's what I would want to read, so it's what I try and write about. I don't care about the grand intentions everyone has for their art and the deep ocean of meaning they've trapped beneath an image. I'd much rather hear about how many times they crumpled up pages and threw them away in anguish. I want to know how many times the masters had to beat their head against the wall before creating their masterpiece.
This is why the process is far more interesting to me than the result. Of course I enjoy a completed piece of art and the final, refined expression of an artist's intent, but I can't help wondering how they got there and what came before. I want to see Da Vinci's book of cartoon doodled stick men. I want to see all the broken Banksy stencils that he cut in half by mistake. I want to know how many times Mark Ryden painted over that piece of meat before it looked just right.
So in the midst of aspiration to learn and improve, I still think exploring the struggle has value and validity. One day I hope to look back on these posts and smile at my naivety, for I will have travelled far and wide across the spectrum of creative exploration and development. Sure, I might give it up one day, but I like to think it won't be for lack of trying.
Thus, here we find ourselves looking down the barrel at six months of weekly posts. I'm pretty happy to have stuck with it, even at the expense of any other posts, as I originally planned to write about lots of different things. I've come to accept that as long as I get this regular post done each week, I'm happy with the result. After all, I'm no doubt the only soul who puts any value in this blog anyway. It's an interesting mix of having something publicly available in the world, but only ever privately circulated. Anyone could poke their nose in here at any time, but nobody has any reason to.
It's nice here.