Well it's been a couple of weeks since I last checked in, because it's the holiday season and there needs to be some time off every now and then. I hope everyone out there had a great holiday season and managed to enjoy some time out and perhaps even some time in with close friends and family.
It's kind of funny to me that this post is going up on New Year's Eve, which is probably going to drive the thought process a little, so strap on in. I've spent the last couple of weeks getting everything in order, as I'm used to having a lot of down time over the holidays so I generally spend it giving my spaces a good deep clean.
When I worked shift work, I used to work every night of the holidays, so I never spent much time socialising as a result. I think I've spent about half of my adult NYE's working, and the other half have been about chilling out at home. It's never been a big date on my calendar, other than it bringing in double-time pay for working a public holiday. Now that I work from home on my own schedule, I find myself trying to fill in time more than I used to.
Thankfully though I have a bunch of new toys to play with after the gift-giving season swept through the world. Most notably is a new studio easel I've had my eye on, which will give me more opportunity to paint some canvases and that sort of thing. In fact, I think I mentioned an ambition to paint more when I started writing these posts, so better late than never.
It's not unusual for us all to get a bit contemplative during the holidays and have a little think about where we're at and where we're headed. At least that's what I'm told, but I tend to just enjoy the fact that there are barely any expectations of productivity for a few weeks.
Perhaps it's because I've recently gone through all of my possessions and set a whole host of them aside to be donated or thrown in the bin. Down-sizing material goods has always been a pleasurable activity in my world, so I've thoroughly enjoyed the process. However, it did make me wonder how sentimental I am as a person, when I'm finding mementos I've held onto, only to throw them out because they serve no purpose. I actually think I can be quite sentimental in certain scenarios, but I don't put much value in objects. One of the thoughts I found myself having during the big clean-up was "I remember that occasion, so I don't need this thing to remind me of it".
We always end up with a bunch of random tatt that seemed to be precious at the time we acquired it. It's only when you start going through everything with a discerning eye that you realise how much of it is worthless reminders of moments that gain little from the useless objects you possess. I suppose that's why I've never been a prolific photographer - I don't see the need to document experiences that I have taken part in.
The funny thing then is the importance of sharing life with others. I mean, it's hard to convey an experience without props, but I think it's much more rewarding. Rather than showing others a photographic essay of a journey, I'd rather spend time telling them the story and describing everything as I remember it. After all, we are influencers of our own reality and experiences remain subjective.
So finding a plastic piece of crap souvenir from a theme park does little to inspire nostalgia in me. I'd rather talk with other people about that time we rode the rollercoaster, or how sticky fairy floss can be.
Anyway, I guess I'm feeling good because I've thrown out a lot of physical baggage that only serves to weigh down emotional experience. It's nice to keep things simple, so I'm currently in a utopia built on a clean and simple environment. Honestly, it feels so good to have everything ship-shape.
This is what the holidays mean to me: hanging out with my family and pushing a big reset button by giving everything a good clean and tidy. I'm sure I’m not the only one who experiences a great cathartic pay-off when the world around us is in order.
Where to next then? I'm not really one for resolutions either, as I tend to always be adjusting the bar and setting new goals for myself regardless. The ebb and flow of the world around us has a lot to answer for when we start setting goals, and our unique situations matter more than we might realise. I guess my current resolution is to be more aware of and honest about the relationships I have with others.
Lately my social life has been shaken up a little, thanks to a few choice encounters that really drove home the fact that there's no balance in some relationships. I say it this way because I don't believe that any single person is responsible for a relationship in any form. Additionally, I have found that most difficulties in relationships come from a dissonant understanding of what that relationship is, or what it means to either party. To put it plainly, if I think of a friend as someone close who I share I deep understanding with, there might be trouble if they see me as someone distant who they only casually consider.
Neither end is wrong, or both are wrong, as the difference in perspective only serves to create imbalance and dissonance throughout the relationship. For me it's a constant adjustment of expectations and effort that manages to keep these imbalances in check. Usually when I get frustrated in a relationship of any kind, it's simply because I am expecting more out of it, or putting more effort in, than the other person is willing to match. It goes the other way around as well, but the point is that any relationship that's not on the same page is going to have problems. These things need constant consideration and adjustment if they are to be maintained for any period of time.
I suppose my point with this train of thought is that things change rapidly at times, and my social reality has been through the most prominent change in recent times. Thus I feel like a recent goal is one of adjustment and adaptation, so that I can bring some balance between myself and others.
I must admit that the motivation is largely selfish, as I tend to dwell on bad relationships too much and they end up ruining my day, which is another thing I'm consciously working to overcome. So figuring out that so-and-so sees our relationship in a more light-hearted way than I do, is a good reason to change my perception and lower the importance of expectations surrounding that person.
Does that even make sense? I think I tripped over myself a little there, but we're going to roll with it anyway. As it is I'm writing this just before I'm scheduled to go out and see some friends. With that in mind let's wrap things up for the last time in 2017.
At the end of the day, the reason I enjoy thinking about these things and writing them down is that I feel we could all do with a reminder that the world isn't as adversarial as we sometimes get caught thinking it could be. There truly are only two emotional states in life: that of fear, and that of love. Our negative emotions and thoughts are only ever driven by our fear. Instead of entertaining these fears, let's confront them, demystify the unknown, and instead focus on a world driven by love.
That sounds pretty nice to me.