Since starting this thing I've managed to finish off three sketch books, and I'm about to run out of space in another. Most had already been started, so it's not like I started on a blank slate, but it seems like some kind of accomplishment. I suppose the accumulation of results can often feel like success, even if there's little to no value in the literal substance of the outcomes. So this week I've been thinking about success and how we determine whether or not we have been successful.
Of course, it's highly subjective, but that much is obvious. Anyone who believes there is a definitive meaning to sum up what constitutes success is missing a trick. Maybe filling up some sketchbooks with any kind of doodling can be considered success, as we can see that time has been spent in a way that yields results. Then again, a lot of those doodles are probably as terrible as the ones in this post (which I hate by the way), so how successful can it really be.
We live in societies that value success and we're all supposed to desire success, even though there's never any indication of what that means. You might think it's to earn lots of money, but we all know money won't make you happy (even if it will open some happy doors). Perhaps it's contributing significantly at work, and even being recognised for expertise and development. Family? Friends? Love? Sex? Applause?
I would posit that all of these things constitute success, with the determination made from aspirations and goals. It's probably indefinable, but for the sake of it, let's say that succeeding is to achieve the outcomes of desires and goals. Sounds pretty good to me, especially as something I haven't spent too much time on. All of these posts are written off the cuff and I don't proof read anything, so let's roll with it and keep smiling.
However, I would also suggest that time is a variable on success, as there are small accomplishments in the here and now that have no relevance to the grand scheme. I doubt I'll be facing death and thinking about all the times I managed to doodle on a yet another page, but in the moment it feels good.
Maybe the key is to dig accomplishments as they happen, only to comfortably let them leave as the moment passes. To put it another way, I might be reaching the conclusion that this is one way to define priorities in life and focus on what's important.
Rather than getting over-excited by the little things, it would serve our success to take note of the big stuff. There's nothing bigger than someone wanting to share their time with me, so that has to be number one with a bullet. When I finally kick the bucket, I think I'll be focused on the relationships and moments I shared with others; everything else is noise.
Yeah yeah, what's the point though right? I mean, this all sounds pretty standard and it's just another way to say that some things in life are more valuable than others. Although, I always find it worth remembering this as it helps in reverse. While I'm trying to remember what's important, I'm also trying to shake off the minor inconsequential bits and bobs that seem inescapable at the best of times.
The older I get (and I'm not even "old"), the more I feel the passing of time and it scares me in some deeply profound ways. I don't believe in an afterlife or anything like that, but I'm not a hard line atheist either. Most of the time I couldn't be bothered thinking about what happens after we die, because on one hand we'll all find out one day; and on the other hand we'll never know before that day comes. So the closer I get to the end of life, the more I notice small useless things that take time and essentially waste it.
Alas, you might be thinking "yeah cool, but even writing this blog post is a waste of time if you think about that way". To which I would say, you're absolutely correct. In fact I've considered the validity of posting on a blog that a couple of hundred people read and then ultimately ignore, but I passed the test. I've written about it before, but I've always found this blog to be a great avenue for exercising creativity and practising writing.
Anyway, that's neither here nor there as the value we put on time will change every moment and with every different person. All of which brings me back to the question of how we can define success in such a complex landscape of indeterminable diversity. The simple answer is, you can't; and I find that comforting.
After all, analysing whether or not we are successful is one of the tools that others use to judge and rank individuals into class and power levels. I felt it directly when I joined a gym and started working out regularly. The beefcakes who frequented the place always gave me looks and made small comments about my weight and that I wasn't all buff and muscular. They considered themselves more successful in that environment than I was, so they took it as a way to put me down. It put me off gyms forever, even though I always prefer seeing the overweight people in the gym, because they're making an effort despite the ridicule. In my eyes, the fat guy on the treadmill is more successful than the buff dude who spends every day lifting weights, but I digress.
The point is that success means everything and anything to anyone, but it's important not to get hooked on the idea of success itself. I'm feeling pretty good about using and filling up a few sketchbooks, but only because I've had them sitting empty for longer than I'd like. The accomplishment is being able to recognise that I got off my butt and did something that I wanted to get done. The fact that the doodles have been done is why it feels like a success to me, not the doodles themselves or the number of pages.
Similarly, the real success of this blog has been reminding me how much I enjoy writing. The words aren't all that important, but being able to remember and realise an interest or passion is always valuable.
I often make plans for things that I'd like to do in life, but most of them are still waiting for attention. I've come to learn that I love thinking of many different ideas and projects, which is fun and all, but ultimately pointless. Without action and focus, ideas remain ethereal and fail to eventuate. I always wanted to write more and draw more, so filling sketchbooks and posting on this blog have been a good way to be successful.
Hence, I would define success as: getting shit done. Sure it might seem a bit reductive and/or obvious, but it's something that's worth learning and being reminded of every now and then. Lately I've been trying to get more shit done in many different avenues of life. Along with regularly drawing and writing, I've been focusing on my health as well. I've quit smoking and more recently given up dairy. I used to drink two or three iced coffees every single day, but now I'm down with straight water instead. These little decisions and changes might not seem like much, but along with everything else in life, they're why I'm feeling kind of successful these days.
I'm not a millionaire and I'm still looking for love and developing meaningful relationships with old and new friends and family. There are many things in life that I'd love to spend more time on, but the opportunity has yet to present itself. Right now the best way for me to be successful, is to keep getting shit done and moving forward.
Success is no doubt different to everyone, but it should never feel out of reach. Small accomplishments and those rare wins are all we need to succeed. Just remember that nothing gets done until you do it, and I'll keep reminding myself of the same.