It's funny how every time I sit down to write this weekly post, I always want to focus on things that have no relevance. What I mean is that I'm trying to keep this particular series focused on creativity and everything related to it. The hard part is that sometimes it feels like everything informs our creative output without question.
Let's not forget that creation is relative, and depends entirely on the creator's lived experience. I'd be incapable of visualising an issue that I have never encountered, as even my interpretation of a hypothetical situation will be seated in my own subjective perspective. Thus, everything we create has to be influenced and informed by every aspect of our lives.
It might be as simple as the mood we're in when we put pen to paper. Maybe something unrelated happened a few days ago and I'm feeling pretty decent about the world. Perhaps an ongoing stress welled up instead, so I'm living through anger and frustration.
Then again, it could be something further removed and less obvious, like an ever-present discomfort with the collective consciousness of human society. Or even a subtle concern that the passage of time is finite, constant, and inevitable. Actually the latter is something I think about a lot, so I suppose it's not that subtle after all.
The point is that if all I can think about is global politics, or localised inequalities in gender norms, it's relevant. I try not to talk about those things here because I don't think it's the right time or place, but it's hard to deny that they exist and play a part.
I know I'm not the most interpretive and communicative doodler in the world, but even my stupid doodles are influenced by whatever's on my mind. Perhaps even more so because they are improvised and unplanned, so they probably reveal more about my subconscious than I'm giving them credit for. I suppose even this post is a conversation about my current frustration with a perceived inability to affect change.
Which is why I like to bring it back to creativity, because after all this is where I find myself. Whenever I don't know how to talk about something, or I feel like nobody wants to actually hear what I have to say, I'll draw something. It might not have anything to do with any particular subject, but creating is akin to communication for me, so it helps ease the burden.
After all, the whole point of posting these posts is because it helps me feel like there's a dialogue going on that I'm actually invested in. I'm sure that if I ever find creative fulfilment in any other way, this might be lost to history, but for now it's something of a comfort.
I still feel bad for ranting on about political or social situations that spark some philosophical creativity, and I'll still try and avoid that most of the time. However, there's no denying that all of this plays a part in the creative journey, so I'm not going to be too bothered by it. Honesty is still the best policy and I'll bring things up if they're on my mind. At the very least it should help to explain each week's doodles a little more.
One of the things I've always found hard to do in our society is stand up for myself. Largely because my experience has been that when I do, everyone else writes me off and shuns me for not bowing to the status quo. We're social animals and need a peer group to feel like we belong, but I've yet to find a group where I get to be completely myself without any editing for the comfort of others.
This isn't a complaint, just the state of things that have driven me to create in the ways that I currently do. If I didn't feel isolated so often, the big project I'm working on at the moment would not have come about. In fact, it could be seen as a direct reaction to some of the push-back I've received when voicing my own thoughts and opinions.
I often think about how I can use my limited skill set to make a difference. Not for glory or recognition, but to help nudge the world into a better future. I'm not a scientist, or some mad inventory who'll solve the energy crisis. I'm not even a very good artist, but at least it's something I'm drawn to and eager to pursue. Hence, everything important in life gets funnelled into creative pursuits that will hopefully add another voice to the mix and broaden our understanding of human experience.
Then again, maybe it's the same thing as a child throwing their toy against the wall. It makes a noise and possibly breaks something, but nobody really cares.
"I'm not under any obligation to make the world a better place"
"Yeah? Then what good are you?"
(edit: someone already contacted me to say that they were disappointed that I said I haven’t found a group where I feel like I can be myself - this isn’t directed at anyone, and I actually think it would be true for a lot of people if we genuinely think about how much we do and don’t say when we’re around other people. It’s incredibly rare to find others that will dig you for everything you honestly are - but it’s normal to have to edit ourselves around others. I’m not saying that anyone else is doing anything wrong - instead I’m just expressing that normal desire to be around people that require no edits)