Release Date: 04/04/2017
Played On: PS4
Available On: PS4
Time Played: 50m
Progress: Made it to Stage 5
Developer: NanaOn-Sha / Japan Studio / Epics
Publisher: Sony Interactive Entertainment
I wasn't going to say anything about this beloved 90s rhythm game for the Playstation, but then it got me thinking about how valuable nostalgia can be. In fact, after playing the train wreck that is the PaRappa The Rapper Remaster, I can only deduce that nostalgia goes a lot further than I had previously given it credit for.
Of course, this isn't the first time I've had to guess that nostalgia is the answer for a bad game's popularity. Much like other crazes I missed out on completely like Pokémon, or anything Nintendo ever made, I have to assume that there's a lot of love driving the continued success of such terrible franchises.
Good old PaRappa The Rapper might not be a mass-market classic, but there are definitely a group of keen fans out there still carrying water for this game. I have to admit that after seeing a few people speak highly of this old rhythm game, I was sucked into thinking it might have something worth playing. Thankfully though, I bought it in a bundle with the LocoRoco and Patapon remasters; both of which are definitely worth playing.
If you're unfamiliar with PaRappa, then it's simple. He's a dog (or something) who hangs out with his friends like the flower girl, some green ninja guy, a blue cat like thing, and others. There's a loose story about how the dog wants to get it on with the flower, so he decides that rapping is the way to get down to business.
This is where the rhythm game comes in, as you are then blessed with some random scenes where the aforementioned PaRappa dog is having a rap battle with some other character. Each raps in a different style and presents an ever increasing challenge for you to keep up with their flow.
So far (believe it or not), none of this is reason enough to give up on the game, because sometimes there are some abstract reasons for game mechanics to exist, and that's alright. I've played many games that were complete nonsense, but the central mechanic was enjoyable and compelling. Basically everything that PaRappa The Rapper Remastered is not.
I should also note that the screenshots I'm including in this post are the awful grabs that are taken when you get an achievement on the PS4. I would have replayed part of the game to get some nice shots like I usually do, but I don't hate myself that much. There are heaps of gameplay videos on YouTube if you're super keen to see how the game holds up.
Central to any rhythm game is the music that drives it, and this is perhaps the best thing about PaRappa's repertoire. The original raps and tunes featured in each stage of the game are very family friendly and firmly seated in the 90s. It's the kind of rapping that you might do with your awkward friends after a few too many drinks down the local karaoke bar.
Ultimately, there aren't any tunes I want in my music collection, but they're entertaining enough and fit the aesthetic of the game well. Congratulations to whoever composed the music and put it all together, because that's where the value ends.
Although, to be fair, the remaster has taken the original graphics and improved them for HD resolutions. The epic cut-scenes about the dog drooling over the hot flower are still in their original resolutions, which is a bummer, but quite common in these kind of remasters. It's nice to see that some attention has been paid to the actual gameplay screens, as these are where you want to direct most of your rage. Take it from me, it's much easier to yell at a high definition screen, than something blurry and out of date.
You may be thinking "I guess this guy just doesn't like rhythm games when he sucks at them", which is kind of true. However, when it comes to PaRappa The Rapper Remastered, everyone sucks at it because the mechanics are the worst I've ever encountered in a rhythm game.
Often bad timings and synchronisation errors can be attributed to a weak formula used when matching button inputs to random songs. Although, this isn't the case for games that have set music that can feature hand-places inputs and prompts. It's why I adore the Audiosurf games, because they feature some kind of dark wizardry that calculates visual representations of random sound files.
Unfortunately for PaRappa The Rapper Remastered, there are only a handful of tunes to work with, and they're all pre-populated. This should mean that every input and prompt has been fine tuned to perfection, just like Guitar Hero or Rock Band. At best you should really feel the rhythm flowing through you as you press buttons and bop to the beats, thanks to meticulously crafted sequences. Instead, playing a song in this game feels like whacking a child that's trying to hold onto an angry cat.
I can't stress how bad the mechanics are. I'm always the first person to admit when my skills are lacking and holding me back, but this is not the case here. In fact, while you're on YouTube looking at some videos to make up for the terrible screenshots in this post, try and find some gameplay that ignores the prompts altogether to get a high score. The precise timing and rhythm of the input mechanics in this rhythm game are so bad, that you can succeed by mashing buttons.
If anything, a rhythm game should not be a button masher, as randomly hitting anything at all goes against everything that makes the game fun. PaRappa The Rapper Remastered doesn't mind though, as you can simply mash the appropriate button for each prompt so that you hit the prompt with a random press. Most rhythm games deduct points for pressing buttons at the wrong time, but this cotton candy mess of a game doesn't care at all. It will even cue the vocal line associated with the button press with every hit, so you get a cacophony of words cutting into each other and ruining the groove.
I mentioned earlier that I was interested in the game because I'd heard other people rave about how good it was. They had even mentioned that you can just mash buttons and that it's really difficult to complete the last couple of tracks. I don't mind the difficulty, and I don't mind quirks of old games that are possibly out-dated, but the fun is still intact. Let me assure you that there is absolutely no fun to be had from playing this abomination, and I can forgive a lot when it comes to older games.
Therefore, the only reason I can return to that justifies why anyone would love the hell-spawn that is PaRappa The Rapper Remastered, is nostalgia. Maybe when they were younger they thought the raps were super cool. Perhaps the gameplay mechanics were considered difficult and challenging, instead of broken and not-working.
I've gone back and played a lot of old games that I loved at the time of their release, only to realise that we've come such a long way. I know what it's like to think a game is the pinnacle of development, only to replay it years later and realise how terrible it actually is. There's nothing wrong with that though, as time passes and technologies improve.
The real kicker is when a company decides to cash in on that nostalgia of some game from the past, with a lacklustre port that addresses none of the serious issues inherent in the game. Believe it or not, there's a decent enough game somewhere within PaRappa The Rapper Remastered, screaming to get out and murder its older self.
I mean, if the developers had bothered to fix the terrible mechanics of the primary gameplay loop, this could have been enjoyable. You know how the latest remake of Shadow Of The Colossus offered a completely different and improved control scheme because it was famous for having terrible controls? Yeah. This game should have done that as well.
Sure it's a short game that should only take a couple of hours to complete, but I couldn't even last a single hour. After encountering the increasingly backwards input mechanics, I started fearing for my PS4 controller, as I was getting close to breaking it in two with frustration.
Don’t play PaRappa The Rapper Remastered. Unless you have some kind of hardcore nostalgia boner for a dog wanting to get into a flower's skirt. Just don’t.