This will be posted a little late due to some technical difficulties, which is kind of cool because it fits with this week's theme. I've been getting to know technology again, and reaffirming how enjoyable it can be.
For a while I was put off digital art, because I spent too much time comparing myself to others. There's no shortage of incredible digital artists who post their work online for all to see, so it's easy to feel inadequate if you look in the right places. The same can be said for traditional art forms as well, but for some reason it doesn't hit me as hard to know that Rodin will always have me beat.
Thanks to working with computers for a long time, I have a pretty nice setup in my home office. My PC is pretty powerful, I'm so used to three monitors now that downgrading seems insane, and I have a good quality Wacom tablet to digitally create whatever comes to mind. The point is that one theory as to why I feel more stunted in the digital space, is because I have access to all the tools necessary to make something amazing.
Of course, I also have a bunch of blank canvases, pots of paint, brushes, etc, etc. However, for some reason it's much easier to find excuses for traditional media. It takes longer, so time's always a factor; my brushes are low quality because I can't afford the really nice ones; mistakes are more permanent, so it's harder to hide inadequacies. There are many excuses that can be made for why I messed up a traditional painting, but the need for perfection grows exponentially in the digital space.
Undo is a great little function that means any brush stroke that's out of place, disappears in a nano-second, making way for corrections. Effects and blending options are always available to tweak and refine whatever abomination I've manifested on the screen. Then there's the efficiency of layers, and pen controls like smoothing and pressure.
All of this combines to make digital art more accessible and the possibilities are endless. I suppose you could say that creating on a computer is only limited by one's own imagination, which could be part of the problem.
In fact, that's why I was put off digital art for a while and have been relishing drawing with a ball-point pen on a piece of paper. These methods are at opposite ends of the restriction spectrum. The paper and pen ties you down to a single medium that cannot be corrected. Once a page is marked with ink, there is no turning back.
I've probably talked about the limitations of too much choice before, but indulge me once again for this short summary. Essentially, having more restrictions placed on you forces you to think creatively in a way that infinite choice will never accomplish. Having the possibility of creating anything you can think of, puts a lot of pressure on your imagination to come up with something awesome. Not only that, but you're then faced with the scrutiny of translating that idea onto a visual medium in its entirety. At least when I have a biro and a piece of paper I can look at a crap doodle and think "well yeah, what do you expect from me with such limited tools".
So for a while digital creativity seemed far too judgemental for me, which was completely my own self-reflection. Nobody else was applying so much scrutiny to my work, but nobody else ever does in the same way that every artist evaluates their own work. At least, that's what I assume, but I've met artists who are very unlikely to be judging their work negatively… to say the least.
Anyway, I found myself feeling like there was no point to practicing my digital skills, because I will never be even close to the incredible hobby-artists who are easily found online. It's not a competitive thing, but more of a terrible "you-won't-get-a-job" thing. Any prospective employer could hire a better digital artist for less money, so why spend so much time on something with no point of return?
You see, I've been searching for a career as long as I've been an adult, but nothing has fit the bill so far. This isn't the place to get into it, but let's just say that I'd rather be happy than rich, so I'm looking for something that will pay the bills, but I enjoy myself well enough. I've had plenty of well-paying jobs in the past, but most of them have made me miserable. So right now I'm trying out things that I enjoy doing… most of which bring in very little money and fail to pay said bills.
Hence, when I say that I got fed up with digital art because I couldn't see myself getting paid for anything like that, I mean it in that context. When it came around to October again and I saw the prompts for the #inktober event, I figured it might be time to just have a crack for some fun again.
Thankfully, it's been fun enough to make me realise that there's nothing wrong with enjoying the medium, even if I'm kind of crap at it. The best part is not caring about the outcomes, but seeing positive reactions either way. What I've really loved about this month so far, is that it's reminded me why I like doodling and drawing dumb ideas in the first place. Often I'll draw an idea and it will never see the light of day. So many ideas fail and so many more just never work out quite how I'd like them to. The key to it is having a go either way, and seeing what happens just to see what happens.
Of course none of this is sustainable and it's only because I occupy a position of privilege that I can even contemplate spending valuable time on fruitless doodles. However, I do occupy that position and the option is there no matter how I feel about it, so I might as well learn and grow from it as best I can.
Despite the occasional technical difficulties, I've always loved the infinite possibilities of working with tools that allow us to perform tasks that were previously impossible. It's why I love working with computers in a number of different ways, but the common thread is always being able to go beyond our own limitations.
I know I'm not the best digital artist around, I may even be the worst, but that doesn't change the fact that I can have some fun and get creative with the medium. There are things I've been able to do digitally that I've never had the skill to do traditionally. It goes both ways, and limiting ourselves to one set of tools is great for learning through restrictions, but can be stifling at the same time.
At times, it's a hard balance to maintain, but figuring out when to create without barriers and when to lock everything down is a useful to skill to have. Hopefully it means that as we get better at it as artists, we will be better at utilising different scenarios and being less critical.
I'm still continuing with the #inktober digital drawings over on the @abatagestudios instagram.
Ultimately, one of the main things I've learned this year is different ways to not care about outcomes. It's a topic for another post, but I think that's possibly the most valuable lesson a creative can learn… stop giving a shit when it actually doesn't matter.