I should probably attempt to draw a link between existential tangents and the pursuit of creative practice. At least then I can make excuses for why I tend to go off the rails a bit in these posts and get all abstract up in this blog.
In fact, the link isn't that far removed anyway, as life is art and art is life. There's little about existence that doesn't influence creative inspiration, so it's no surprise that questions of reality would intrinsically be tied to questions of creativity. After all, art imitates life and all that, but even if it doesn't, it certainly exists in relation to it.
So to come back to the banality of day to day practice, the existence of a weekly check-in has been valuable to me creatively. As I hoped, the process of needing to produce something of any quality I can muster, has been a brilliant learning experience so far. I've tried different things that have mostly failed, or at least proven to me that they're not paths to be taken. There are methods and structures that informed some efficiency and allowed me to identify preference.
That last bit about preference is probably the most profound so far, despite sounding fairly obvious and quaint. However, there are preferences I never knew I had, like doodling with pen instead of pencil. I quickly found that pencils make me want to do a lot of shading and attempt tonal landscapes, simply because they're a capable tool for tone. On the other hand, pens restrict the amount of detail that can be put into a quick little sketch, because I lack the skills required to be competent with ink in the first place. I mean, there are still methods for creating tone and shade with pens, but they require more technique than I have to draw on in such a short time.
Time leads to another valuable point, which I had predicted at the start of these weekly doodles, as it was one of the reasons I wanted to begin in the first place. Restrictions on time are a great way to remove any judgement on quality, as speed is the higher valued attribute. I approach all of these doodles with speed in mind, as I try to get them done as quickly as possible. Sometimes they take a minute or two, other time they might take closer to half an hour. The key thing is that every single doodle I've posted here, was drawn in a shorter time frame than I would have allocated to draw the image properly.
It's difficult to get down on yourself about a crappy doodle that was thrown together in a couple of minutes, which has been a liberating experience. Like a lot of artists, I am my harshest critic when it comes to judging the quality of my work. I don't mean that in a cute way where I'm trying to modest; I mean it in the way that I look at everything I do and think it is terrible. If I'm happy with a piece of art I create, it's usually because I feel like I haven't completely embarrassed myself. The rest of the time, I'm wallowing in shame and failure, because there's no other way to go when you see everything you do as worthless.
So why put yourself through such severe self-criticism? I think because it's no different to the rest of my life, but it's also a satisfying challenge to be faced with. Being able to criticise yourself and rip your own ego apart, is a valuable skill that I believe more people should adopt. It's kind of hard to be full of yourself when you think everything about you is horrid. At the same time, it's much easier to strive to be a better person, because there are many avenues of improvement available to you. It's kind of like living at the bottom of the well - the only way is up.
I often get called anti-social and "quiet" (which I think is hilarious) in way that's meant to sound like an insult. It's a testament to our cult of personality to recognise how reviled you can be for keeping to yourself and squashing your own pride and ego before it has a chance to lay the charisma on others. I'm not claiming to be any good at it, but it's something I continuously try to control, as it's more desirable than being a dickhead.
All of this relates back to the art, as I always try to include real life empathy in my creative process. Lately I've really enjoyed drawing cartoons of disgusting and vulnerable people, who are by all accounts a bit disgusting. They have warts, patchy hair, distorted features, and discoloured skin. Often I draw them naked as their form is presented to the world for all to sneer and ridicule as they see fit. This is simply a reflection of life in general, as I'm surrounded by other human beings who spend a lot of their time judging others. Again, I'm not so good at avoiding these influences of human existence all the time, but I'm trying to live the example and stop judging other people for things that don't matter.
Thus, it brings me some comfort to draw creatures of derision, who have no hope in the face of the world. I want to show the result of our social consciousness in some way, and lately that's been the closest I can get.
Hopefully that explains a bit about the relationship between the existential dilemma posts and the doodles and artistic pursuits that should probably be more of a focus in these posts. There are other things I've learned along the way, like how much I enjoy writing words and thinking about syntax and their structures. In fact, I think I'm going to continue writing as a hobby in a few other ways that will probably never be mentioned here again.
Also, I've been doing the whole #inktober thing over on the @abatagestudios instagram. It's basically one of those challenges where you're given a prompt each day and you're tasked with drawing something. It's a fun way to take part in a wider world of artists trying to draw something every day for a month. It's certainly keeping my tablet warm as I've been doing it digitally, because otherwise I'd never have the time. Doing these weekly doodles has definitely helped me approach the constraints of a daily prompt, so it's nice to know I've learned something.
We can continue this discussion later, but there are a bunch of things I love about have strict restrictions and boundaries to work within. I think I've mentioned before how debilitating it can be to have infinite choice spread out before you. Doing a weekly doodle definitely highlights limitations and more choice is taken away as time goes on and I can refine preferences.
So far so good.