As much as giving credit to commercial television for anything productive seems like an incredible error in judgement, I saw about two seconds of a talent show that inspired this week's train of thought. I can't remember what show it was exactly, but there were a bunch of celebrity judges who were commenting on the performance of some dude standing on a stage. The only thing I really picked up as I continued surfing channels, was the enormity of sincerity and earnest belief in the words these people were saying.
I suppose I should say that this was not my perspective, but that of everyone on camera. Superficially I laughed and continued on through the channels, but something stuck with me. The reason I found it hilarious was exactly the same reason they were acting so seriously - they believed in what they were saying. Funny for anyone who thinks a television talent show is a big cash-plough for network executives, but super serious for those taking part and putting their reputations and careers on the line.
Ultimately though, this sort of thing always makes me think about life in general, growing up, and getting older. I've never wanted to just get older, but to ensure that a certain level of growth and evolution can be attained as time rolls by. It's hard to know just how successful we are at improving ourselves, or even simply learning from our experiences. However, when I see people taking things seriously, I have to laugh, and I often think that's a good indicator of growth.
Of course I don't hold anything against these people on the screen who are putting in effort and doing their best to create something they believe in. I get that they are in a different world than anything I'm interested in these days, so I would never let that difference translate to judgement. What always strikes me as odd though, is just how invested a grown human being can get in something that is essentially fleeting and meaningless.
Again, I'm not trying to say that anyone's life work is meaningless, as everything has as much meaning as we want to give it. I'm clearly talking from my own bias and preferential perspective that is informed by the values I believe outweigh others. In fact, it's this very order of operations that I suppose I'm talking about, as part of growing up and growing old is seeing the list reorder itself over and over again.
I like to think that wisdom informs us of what really is important in life. The kind of things that will matter when we're facing death and coming to grips with our own mortality. I think about this sort of thing a lot, as I often ask myself why I'm getting so invested in frivolous pursuits, or destructive relationships. The further I go, the more I'm convinced that time is fleeting, and life is for the living, which is to say that we all need to spend our time as best we can while we have it.
Now, don't think for a second that I'm preaching or anything, as I am one of the first to say that I have wasted a lot of time in my life. Perhaps this perspective is only reinforced by the fact that I feel I have failed up until now, and at best I've already lived a third of my lifetime already. There are many things that I am pleased to have accomplished so far in life, but if I have any regrets, they would be about time that could have been better spent.
You may be thinking that writing on an insignificant blog and playing video games are two examples of major time wasters, and I would reply that you are wrong. Just like the folks earnestly pursuing a career in reality television shows, the meaningless occupations we pursue and take on, are not without merit. It's important to do things that feel meaningful and bring joy, but it's equally important to realise just how meaningless they are.
To put it another way, if for some reason I was unable to continue writing this blog and playing video games tomorrow, would it change my life in any meaningful way. Believe it or not, the answer would be not at all. Of course it would be an adjustment and I would change how I spend my time, but my life would not change in meaning or purpose.
I think that's the key, which is really hard to grasp at times, and it comes and goes for everyone. Perhaps it's actually a difficult task to simultaneously understand meaning and meaninglessness, as they exist in harmony. However, I suspect that part of growing and evolving through life is coming to terms with these concepts and accepting the fact that most of the mundane occupations of our time are ultimately meaningless.
The more that time passes, the more I'm concerned with valuable relationships and genuine moments of clarity and joy. I'd rather spend an hour laughing my ass off with my family, or a good friend, than get super serious about a television show. These things become clearer with time and experience, but are no doubt different for everyone. I'm not saying that my way is the correct way, only that it's important to learn that there are ways.
It helps justify why other people act differently and believe in things we find abhorrent or simply pointless. For example, I honestly have no interest in real life sporting events, but I know it matters to other people a great deal. Instead of thinking that anyone who disagrees with me is wrong, I can appreciate that sport is as meaningful to others as something like art or music if to me. Does it meant that either is better? No. In fact both perspectives are as meaningless as each other.
I haven't been very good at spending my time well in the past, but I'm trying to improve on that and head for a more fulfilling future. Part of it is driven by some of the best advice I've ever received, which goes something like: there's no point sitting around dreaming about what you wish you could do; the ONLY way those dreams can be realised, is if you start making them happen.
It's why I write pointless posts on the internet, or draw silly doodles, and play loads of games. All of these things are pathways to a dream, which will never happen without starting somewhere. This is why I love the process more than the product. This is why I'll always make things without caring for the result. All of this can be put down to basic evolution of the mind and the soul, which is always in need of love.